My name is Carolyn Wooten, but everybody calls me Lynn. I was born in Kalamazoo. I’m the middle child. I had two brothers. We had different fathers. I never met my real father. When I was five, my mother and the only father I knew got divorced. My mother drank all the time, but her drinking increased after the divorce.
She was born in Chicago, and when I was seven we moved back. We moved from a nice house to an apartment above a hardware store with a bar across the street, and a train in the sky. I had speech problems. In Kalamazoo, my school sent me to speech therapy. In Chicago, the teachers told my mother to let me watch commercials on TV and have me sing along! That was supposed to be my therapy!
By this time, my mom’s drinking was really bad. She was at the bar across the street getting drunk all the time. She would bring men home and take them to her room. They’d beat her and sometimes they came to my room and sexually abused me. The first time this happened, my oldest brother Earl stood at my doorway, too scared to say anything. He just watched until the man chased him away.
Earl told me our mom would be mad if I told her about the man and I knew he would be in trouble if I told because he didn’t help me. I was ten when I finally told my mother what was going on. She didn’t believe me. She called me a liar and said I was fast. I told her Earl saw it and I wasn’t lying. She asked Earl and he said “Mom, Lynn’s lying.” I couldn’t believe it! I got a beating and a few weeks later, my brother began to abuse me. I kept a knife with me at all times. I cut him on the arm and he told my mom he got in a fight with some boys. I never told my mom what my brother did. My way of thinking was if she beat me for a drunk man, she’d kill me if she knew about her son.
We got evicted many times and would go stay with my aunt and uncle and their nine kids. My brother Earl joined the army. He was too young to enlist so my mom signed for him. We then moved to the Projects on 39th Street. I was in high school and I wanted to stay at my school. My mom wouldn’t give me bus fare, so I walked every day to 68th Street. I ended up getting a job cleaning a lady’s house to earn my bus fare.
My mother married a guy in the bar. They got drunk together all the time. But after they got married, he didn’t want my mom to drink anymore so he would hit her whenever she did. I tried to protect her. When he hit her, I’d hit him. I pushed him and I told him if he hit my mom again I would kill him. He told my mom I had to go or all of us have to go. So, mom called Michigan and sent me back to Kalamazoo. I didn’t stay long. I came back to Chicago and moved in with my boyfriend’s family. When his grandma found out I was pregnant she kicked me out. My mom’s husband had kicked her and my brother out, so I ended up with them. After I had my son, I got my own place. My mom and brother moved into the same building. She was still drinking and my brother was always in trouble.
I was 18, got my GED and a job at Blue Cross/BlueShield. I was on public aid so in order to keep my aid, I got a new Social Security number and a new name – Lynn Allen and used that for my work ID. I was at Blue Cross for 15 years. Around my tenth year I got a part-time job as a barmaid. I began using cocaine to give me a little boost and energy to work both jobs. I ended up getting fired from Blue Cross from missing work almost every Monday due to late working late on Sundays. After losing my job, drugs took over my life. I began selling drugs from my apartment. My son was in the Marine Corps and I just went wild. I lost my car, my apartment, and my cat. Living on the streets wasn’t easy. I stayed where I could. I was still on crack, selling my body and getting picked up by police.
When my son got out of the Marines, he had his own place, a job and was doing very well. He would look for me and I would tell him to just leave me alone and then hop in a car with whoever. I didn’t care what he saw. I ran into him at a gas station. He saw me and called me Lynn and asked if I needed a ride. He had a coworker with him and he told her I was his friend. I didn’t say anything, but after he dropped her off, he told me with tears in his eyes that he had told his coworkers and friends that his mother was dead. I said, “Don’t feel bad because your mother is dead. I don’t know who this person is that I see in the mirror.” He took me to his nice apartment and I stayed for three days. He came home one night drunk, and I took his money and his car. I called him a couple of days later and told him where his car was. After that, he stopped looking for me.
I went on jumping in and out of cars getting my money and giving it to the dealers. In December of 2004, I got with this man and we went to a vacant lot behind a building. He started beating me and calling me names that I can’t repeat. I called on God. I said “God, what is going on? I’m not the best but I’m not the one he’s talking about.” The man stopped beating me and looked at me with his eyes big and said ‘I’m sorry you’re not the one.” Then he ran away from me. I was thinking how lucky I was and went on doing what I did.
A month later, I was bringing crack to a friend. When I got to her place, her kids asked if I had seen their mother. They said she’d be gone for two days. I went to her boyfriend’s and found out that her body was discovered all cut up in the same vacant lot that that man had me in. Then it hit me. God heard me when I called. That could have been me. I said, “OK Lord, it’s time for me to change. But I’m going to do one more round. I got in a car with a retired cop and went to his place to get high. I told him all that happened and he took me to my friend’s homeless shelter in Harvey. He let me stay and told me I needed to get to Tabitha House. I got an interview on January 23, 2005 and moved into Tabitha House that day.
I knew God heard me. He saved me so I just surrendered. At Tabitha House, I did whatever I was told. I didn’t agree with some things, but I did them anyway. This was a new way of life for me. Everyone was so kind and caring I was on guard waiting for the other shoe to drop, it never happened. An important part of the Tabitha House program is being a member of Spirit of God Fellowship. We all become part of the Body there and get to know all the members.
I was able to see a real mother daughter relationship and just how families interacted. I wanted that so I called my son and told him I was at Tabitha House. He said, “Who’s house is that? You’re always at somebody’s house getting high.” I said “No, Tabitha House is a Christian place that helps women get off drugs.” He said, “Yea-right Mom, I don’t have time for this.”
So, I waited and prayed about it and talked to my counselor. I called my son back and I asked him to come to church and bring my grandson. After asking him a number of times, he finally came with my grandson, who was six at the time. My son got to see the change in me and the people around me. Then he said, “Mom you don’t ever need to leave this place.”
I got a job in March of 2006. My first job with my real name and real social security number at Providence Rehab & Nursing home. God was blessing me. I had drug cases and felonies. One of the Tabitha House graduates had told her boss about me. She got me an application and I had an interview on a Friday. At the interview the man told me this job is yours. He said, “Lynn, this interview is just a formality. You start Monday.” That was this man’s last day of work and the last thing he did was hire me. When I started, I was a dietary aid for a month and a half. Soon after I got my sanitary license and was promoted to head cook. I loved my job.
During this time, God also restored my relationship with my mother, my brother Earl, and my son Alvin. I was still living at Tabitha House and was able to save money. By now my mom had stopped drinking and was living in Las Vegas with my aunt and uncle. When they both died, my mom decided to move back to Chicago, but she needed help to get back. At this point in my life, I could finally be the daughter that I saw the women at church be to their mothers. I paid for her moving truck and through a friend I made at church I was able to get her into a beautiful apartment for senior citizens. We became very close and had a wonderful mother and daughter relationship. We did everything together. We went to movies, dinner, and shopping. If I bought a blouse she’d buy the same blouse in a different color. When I bought a wig, she’d buy the same one but with a little grey in it.
In January of 2014, Earl died. He went to sleep and didn’t wake up. My mother was also sick with cancer at this time. She didn’t want treatment and went into hospice. When my mother told my son, he broke down. It was a Saturday in December 2015. We were all at the hospital, my son, grandson, and my youngest brother. I hugged and kissed them, I told them I loved them and I went home. The next night he was found dead in a hotel from drinking and drugs. My mother died March 5, 2016. I grieved for a long time. I kept asking God what is going on, Why me? Why my family? Last December, I had a hip replacement and was off work until February. I went back to work, but I just wasn’t the same person. I retired on March 7, 2018.
I announced my retirement on Facebook and about a week later Jeanette Goodman, the Tabitha House director, asked me if I wanted to be the night manager, I said I didn’t know. She said pray about it. I did and I asked some of the Tabitha House graduates to pray with me. They all said I should take the position. I was drowning in grief, and I needed to do something. So I came back to Tabitha House on March 25, 2018. I love living at Tabitha House and seeing how God is working in the residents’ lives. I think about what my son said, “Mom, you don’t ever need to leave this place.” He was right. I’m here to stay!